a quarter of a century of parenting!

Sometimes I think our child’s birthday is more of a marker for the parent than it is for them. This year, my daughter, Megin turned 25 years. I can’t stop thinking about her birth-day this year and that I’ve been a parent for almost half of my life! This makes me feel like I’ve already lived a long time. How did time pass so quickly and where does this put me now? From the time of birth to the time your baby finally gets their full set of wings, a major part of your adult life has been focused on their well being.

I’m not saying now you’re an obsolete parent, you never will be. The relationship changes and you learn how to flow and develop into another way of being with each other. It’s another milestone that we all move through as a parent. However, a beautiful one, it means that you can leave behind the ways you used to care for your offspring so tightly held in your heart. There is room for more space now while both hearts are allowed to grow and stretch out into world, each in their own unique way of expressing.

I do feel nostalgic when I look back at the early baby pictures and my whole Being fills with such warmth, love, and fond memories. Times of my life I would never want to have missed. Without making this a long post about the joys of parenting, I will keep it simple and distill it down to 3 jewels of what I’ve learned over 25 years.

1) Have faith in the power of

unconditional love.

Your children will not always do what you want them to do. Whether it’s something small like: finish up your dinner, do your homework, go to sleep now, or something bigger like: please check in with me tonight and be home by your ‘curfew’ time, make sure you have enough time to study for your finals, or make a good choice to not feel pressured into sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.

“When a child knows in their heart they are loved unconditionally, a space for trust is cultivated and empowerment is felt.”

When your child exerts their will and behaves in the way he or she chooses, whether deemed good or bad by your instant judgment, find that place in your heart to meet the situation from a place of unconditional love for the person who is in front of you. The practice of Loving Unconditionally comes with time and our children give us the gift of practicing this over and over again. When a child knows in their heart they are loved unconditionally, a space for trust is cultivated and empowerment is felt. This is fertile ground for intuition and creativity to flourish. Make room inside your mind for your child to become who they are here to be.

2) Be Present. There is no time like NOW!

Babies grow into toddlers who then quickly become young children and before you know it, you’ve got a tween/teen on your hands. I always used to think that having a teenager would be a breath of fresh air compared to the intense energy output of those early years. My wise and seasoned local day care woman who I called, Saint Rosemary always said to me, ‘enjoy them now everyday as much as you can, they grow up so fast.’ I used to look at her through my bleary worn out sleep deprived eyes, exhausted body and think, ‘really?’ Hard to believe you when I feel this way, Saint Rosemary. But I trusted her. Clearly, she knew more than I did; her children were grown up and she had been at this parenting thing a lot longer than I had. I did my best to be Present with both my children (born 20 months apart) and it wasn’t until my son turned 5 and started in Kindergarten that I could take a long enough exhale to look back on the past 5 years and wonder where had they gone and already noticing how I was missing the innocent wonder of those days.

“enjoy them now, everyday, as much as you can, they grow up so fast”

Regardless, of how old your child(ren) may be, make sure you design your life so that you can have some energy for them when you’re in their presence. They need you to be available physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. More than anything, they just want to be connected and feel the spiritual gift of your heartfelt presence.

3) Have FUN!

Christmas celebrations in LIvigno, Italy

Create daily rituals, yearly traditions, & times to get away as a family. Life is not meant to be a grind everyday, yet I know tending to your family’s needs and paying the bills can feel like you’re on a hamster wheel. Breaking up the day with self-care rituals for yourself helps you to be more present when you are with your family. Doing activities together whether it’s sharing the dinner preparations some evenings, playing a game, reading a favorite book, giving your child a back massage, doing some yoga or just sitting and listening to whatever they want to share about their day, their struggles, and/or their proud moments, it'll make a difference. The key is to forget about everything else that’s going on in your life and allow the moment to take over and to settle into being together.

Help anchor in these joyful experiences by acknowledging your gratitude for these times together. This helps to reinforce more positive and fun times. Over the years, you’ll find what seem like small insignificant activities, really add up. Before you know it, your family will have crafted a beautiful tapestry forged on the basis of deep, long lasting love. So when your kids wings are strong enough to fly, they will be supported by a rich foundation of unconditional love that encompasses their inner consciousness . This heartfelt connection, not bound by space or time, but through the many years of forming cherished memories of the fun and happy times spent together. This is a timeless, lasting treasure you give to your children that can not be bought with money or material things. So go ahead and start making a list of fun things you can do together and also note what you’re already doing that brings this fun and joy into your life.