Mums #1 <3

                                                   thanks for being the best mum we could ever ask for! <3     -Bren

I have been wanting to start a blog for a long time now, but the task of setting it up was daunting and with working full time I was always too tired at night to try and start.  This cycle of wishing, hoping, aborted attempts went on for a couple of years until a health crisis appeared in August 2016.  The diagnosis of bowel cancer arrived at my doorstep just as I started back to a new school year in my role as school counselor for grade 9-12's.   The decision to work or not was pretty black and white.  The choice was obvious to stop work and turn my complete focus onto my self. Something I was not used to.  I was the helper, the one making sure everyone else was emotionally and mentally happy.  

When I broke the news to my kids who live in Canada (I live in Switzerland), it was pretty shocking, but I was amazed at how well they absorbed what they were hearing.  Being so far away was hard because all you want to do is be close to each other.  We decided the best thing to do was to continue with their lives in Canada until Christmas and then come over to Switzerland where we have spent our past holidays together.  

“I breathe in my courage and exhale my fear.”

I kept them updated with all of the incredible care I was receiving from friends, family, specialists every week and shared daily texts and positive quotes.  

We managed to stay connected through the Fall months with skype, texts, emails filling the geographical distance between us.   Brendan has taken on the task of getting this website up and running while he's been visiting and it is to him I owe the creative navigation, videos, and little extras I can do digitally to help express myself. I've decided to keep the title as he named this one while we've been in construction mode and his first line of this post.  

Brené Brown is a woman I greatly admire for her research on vulnerability and shame.  The work she now shares on parenting with wholeheartedness that came from her research cuts right into the core of how we parent, the pitfalls and the triumphs.  We are not perfect parents nor did anyone say we should be.  I think the belief that we should be perfect just gets adopted without any real thinking about how it impacts us as an individual.   I downloaded Brené's, The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto and have it on my wall where I sit everyday to meditate and write.  The last point is what I have been practicing with my kids. "I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you." 

My son, Brendan sent me a daily quote which made my day and helped me keep my mind on a positive track.  One of the first quotes he sent me said, "I BREATHE IN MY COURAGE AND EXHALE MY FEAR."  This quote became one of my mantras when I would go on walks in our back woods or any time of day I needed to refocus.

“I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you. - Brené Brown”