Check Up Exams Week 2

In the beginning of receiving my cancer diagnosis, I had many recurring thoughts about how quickly I could get through this,  how long until it would be gone? The thoughts pressed on my mind and although I attempted to accept them, I knew that I had to somehow find a way to relax into this extended journey back into my health.  There were no shortcuts, no quick fixes this time.  This trip demanded a total exit from my current routine: no more work, no tending to endless details that called upon me each day and instead said, "turn your focus towards your body, your self, the life force that keeps you alive each day."

It was on my 25th wedding anniversary that we sat in a doctor's office and heard the news, your colonoscopy results show cancer cells in your bowel.  That was seven months ago. As shocking as this was, it was only the start. 

In the beginning, the focus was so heavily on my lungs and such little attention paid to the primary tumor, that I didn’t worry about it or think too much about this final operation until the conversation turned towards dealing with it.  The day I met with my surgeon about exactly what this operation would entail was really a wake up call for me about what I was in for. That was March 2nd. 

My focus now turned towards the original tumor that started all of this and I did my best to see how I could alter the route I was on.  In a mindfulness training I took, I asked how can one incorporate all of this learning into life?  She answered, "all it takes is 1 degree of a shift to change the current course of a path."  

Tiny shifts lead to a completely different destination. 

This has always stuck with me.  Big changes don’t have to be daunting, they can just be a small change in focus, thinking, habit, and/or attitude.  This is what I did.  I turned my attention towards my tumor area and really began to connect with this part of my body. 

In my Exam Week 1 Post, I got through two ‘checkups’ to see what state the cancer cells were in.  I knew there would be big changes, as was expected by my doctors.  It was exciting to have affirmation from those results showing that the tumor had been dismantled to the point of not showing up in the endosonography.  This was pretty incredible and meant that now we were able to change the discussion around the next steps regarding to operate or not. 

Week 2 arrives and I go for an MRI on my liver and then a PET/CT scan of my whole thorax area.   The most difficult obstacle to cross with these exams is getting the needle in my arm.  It took 3 tries with the MRI and still no luck.  Eventually, I had to wait for a doctor to come and use my port.  Funny how a needle in the vein can hurt and create more anxiety than most of my larger procedures.  The next day, I went into Zurich to get the PET/CT and aside from dealing with the needle and going straight to the port, this exam was like a calm meditation. 

Right after these exams, I had two more follow up appointments, the first one with my Oncologist to review what the tumor board discussed about my options the previous week and then onto my surgeon.  There was an air of lightness in the room when we walked in.  We dove into the exam findings and discovered that a consensus had been reached with the decision to do radiotherapy with a chemo pill.

This is the direction I was leaning towards all along once I knew the tumor cells had disappeared so much.  I was thankful that the doctors were also in favor of this choice as well.  This meant that when we went to meet with my surgeon, who is also on the tumor board, that we were already in agreement.  Our second meeting of the morning was confirmed that receiving a program of radiation supplemented with a light chemo pill would be able to finish off the remaining cancer cells.  The idea of not having this operation was like heaven to my ears.  I was in favor of doing anything else! 

Today is a good day!  It is April 7th, the day that was set aside for my final operation to remove the remaining tumor cells in the rectal area. I wake up and feel like my life is surreal. I’m supposed to be heading in for a major operation, but instead I get to enjoy a beautiful sunny day and go for a bike ride.  This is amazing! My body is amazing! I still have a 6 week program of radiotherapy in front of me and a liver procedure to navigate, but for now, I will dance in the joy of having my body close to me feeling healthy, vibrant, and free!