Early days of disbelief & tests
The first of many hospital, doctors, chemo & complimentary clinics I will spend time in.
My CT scan experience was much better than the MRI. I laid down for the needle and drinking the liquid was easy because it didn’t have a horrible taste. While I was sitting in the waiting area having my pre drink, I started talking to the woman sitting next to me. We found common experiences through our travels to the Yukon and Alaska and then I told her why I was there and she said her Dad had bowel cancer and he was healthy and still going strong 16 years later! Before I had this diagnosis, I didn’t know anyone with bowel cancer, now I’ve already heard of many more people that have either had it and survived it or recently been dealing with it.
All these interactions I now have with strangers seemingly out of the blue – it seems that many connections present themselves sprinkled throughout my days and add positive energy around this journey back into health that I’m on. I am grateful for these little additives to my daily experience.
My house doctor also suggested I see the psychologist at their clinic who specializes in dealing with stress around medical issues. She does a variety of approaches one being meditations and energy work so I’m curious to see her. Creating a ‘care’ team of specialists in different areas is important to me. If I have a hard time with needles and someone can help me with that, then I’m willing to check them out. No need can be too small or insignificant for me this time.
Suddenly, I have many levels of need my being requires and one person or one specialist is not going to meet all of them. I keep telling myself to be open inside to what it is that I need to help support me through all of these new experiences and then listen to what comes forward. Ask a question, then wait and observe. I just have no idea what to expect. Thinking about keeping a beginner’s mind, be curious, learn, suspend judgement, but investigate and dig deeper into the process.
What are the many layers to wholeness and health? Why are some of the cells not cooperating with my overall internal community of wellness? What are they telling me? I need to listen and turn towards the behavior of them as well as take action to stop them immediately. I never thought I’d be a person wanting chemotherapy, but today it seems like the right thing to do so I embrace this choice and look at other complementary therapies to support my health.
How do I get in touch with these rogue cells for some kind of communication? Right now, I feel so disconnected from all of that activity going on inside me. Learning how to be present in a new way with this part of me. Accepting, willing to walk a new road. It is time to open up to receiving from others.