Reborn back into Movement

I’m discovering a whole level of muscle recovery that wasn’t discussed when we talked about the logistics of the operation.  Being at the center of treatment and care, I see how specialized each professional is in his or her job.  I admire that depth of knowledge and skill that each one of my doctor’s and nurses have in their area of specialty.  What I have noticed is that it’s up to me to put together a team where my mental, emotional, and spiritual needs are being supported. 

The only thing I can relate my recovery to is childbirth.  I found out all kinds of information about the actual birthing process and the best ways to manage it, however I didn’t think to ask and no one told me what the ‘afterbirth’ time would be like.  I was prepared for the actual experience and ready for anything, yet realized I wasn’t at all ready for what was to follow.  This is the steep learning curve; where you jump in and simply go for it because there’s no road back. 

No one told me about cutting nerves and feeling numb across my ribcage or how tight the muscles can get after they’ve been forced to stretch beyond their normal range.  After the relief of knowing I made it through the 2nd lung operation, I settled into the weeks ahead of restoring my body back to the movement range I was used to. 

Yoga gave me a movement foundation that I could look forward  returning back to, however I noticed that I was careful with every move I made, not to overdue it as I didn’t want to cause myself anymore pain. I focused on developing my lung capacity with breathing exercises I was given from the Physiotherapist in the hospital.

Seeing how well I can get my legs working with my arms. Need that ribcage to keep me stable. 

As the weeks passed and my ribcage started to feel a little better, I thought I would try risking a little more movement.  I was surprised at how cautious I was to raise my arm up above my head and over to the side giving my side waist a longer stretch. A movement I had done hundreds of times with ease and always loved the feeling of a good deep side stretch. Now I noticed a hovering of protection and I wasn’t as sure of myself to just let my body freely move.  I was cautious and realized a little scared of allowing my body to go ahead and do a stretch that it knew so well.  

Nobody ever talked to me about reclaiming my body back after surgery.  This is something I’m just discovering now.  No matter how careful, skillful and well-meaning the operating team is, there is trauma to the body and it needs time to reconnect with care, love, and healing energy.  I wanted a physiotherapist to guide me back into an exercise program and I thought some bodywork would be helpful as well.  My Oncologist supported this idea as exercise is something that I’m encouraged to be doing.  In the early recovery days,  I received cranio-sacral treatments that I found very calming and helped my deeper muscles to begin releasing their tight grip.  Slowly, I could begin to feel energy moving through my body.  

Cranio-sacral work and massage is helping me to feel that my body can safely move again and have a full range of movement.  Getting onto my yoga mat at home and just allowing my body to freely move and explore the edges of each stretch helps me to build confidence back into my body’s healing ability.  It’s natural to feel afraid to move fully and freely after an operation, but it’s not fun to be stuck in fear of movement. 

Building back trust and confidence in your body to move, to be healed and feel good is so important for the journey back to vibrant health.  Listening to your body is vitally important to know what you need for help along the way and when you’re ready to take the next stretch. 

Building up strength with snow walks in the sun!

Four weeks after my second operation I reached up towards the sky into Tree Pose on January 1st and at seven weeks I was able to gently press myself up into Downward Dog.  And in between, I put on my cross country skis and went out in our back woods.  The body surprises, don’t be held back by fear in the mind.  The mind will get on board when it realizes the body is capable and then you can start having more fun!