The Light of Love
This was my lunch and dinner. 2 bowls of veggie bouillon for 6 days.
Seven days later, I was awarded the opportunity to reunite with solid foods. What a great chance to mindfully enjoy a slow integration to bring food back into my body. Many of you know, I have been evolving with my food since my initial diagnosis back in 2016. I moved from vegetarian to vegan and then settled somewhere in between the two, then later at the end of 2017, I began a Ketogenic diet.
1st lunch: salmon filet, soup, kiwi mousse dessert. Pretty delicious!
This morning as I slide off from this surprise 7day liquid fast of veggie broth, teas, coffee, and water (along with the bags of white liquid through the IV), I begin with a white bread bun, butter, and some coffee. Sounds funny, I know to ‘break’ a fast with this kind of food, but the rationale is to stay away from fibrous foods until my bowels are working at full speed again. I don’t want to stress them with too much digestive work from the fiber of fruit and vegetables. I understand this, so I follow the plan.
Bowel care is something I am learning to deeply appreciate more and more as I go through these different experiences. To this end, I am happy to shift away from my Keto diet slightly for a few days if it will help get things back on track.
My 4th roommate has just come and gone. I have had lovely women to meet on this hospital stay. I’ve been able to practice my German speaking and listening skills, as well as speak English and promote visits to Canada! People always light up when I say I’m from Canada. Even my anaesthetist was telling me about his 8 month travels across Canada and how much he loved the country. Then he led me off on a hiking visualization and the rest is history!
Routine Hospital Procedures
Last night, my neck IV came out. I thought it would be an easy pull out, however this was not the case. It was put in during the operation so I had no awareness of the process. Now with the undoing of it, I could see that it was sewn in place with 6 stitches. There was a lot of pulling to make the stitches free and being right at my neck, it was very intense. A lot of breathing, gripping, and telling myself “this too shall pass!”
This is the best tatoo I’ve seen yet! Discovered it on one of my nurse’s arms!
How about ‘dry shampooing?’ This is a desperate moment to try and wash my hair! No water needed, just massage scalp, remove and blowdry!
If this wasn’t enough, I still needed to have my final IV antibiotic and this required another needle into the arm. My veins are small and tricky to get needles into. This is why I initially had a Port put in right away. He chose a child’s size needle for me and this was perfect. In the end when all was accomplished, in German with movements, he told me I was more distressed than a child! I told him, “I guess I’m a big child!”
Positive Life Affirming Bedtime Movie
Before sleeping, I put on the movie, You Can Heal Your Life about Louise Hay’s life. (click to see the trailer) Watching it was like a giant affirmation. All the experiences I’ve had coming to me with slightly adjusted perspectives from this recurrence and round of treatments, made me realize once again, how we are given experiences to help us learn the lessons we need. They just don’t always come how we maybe would like!
Loving yourself unconditionally truly is at the root of all healing regardless of what the body is experiencing. Through forgiveness, acceptance, and unconditional love to your Self, miracles begin to happen.
When the biopsy came back positively showing cancer cells, I had my moment and then I felt a deeper resolve within to release all doubts about getting fully better, to trust completely in my own inner power to live a life filled with love inside no matter what was going on in my body and life. This was another opportunity to grow. To water the roots of my well-being so my life can continue to flourish.
How Life Lessons Come
Of course, it would’ve been wonderful to have the cells disappear and skip the hospital procedures, but now I see how this experience has once again, provided a small hiatus to take a step to the side and allow time for inner healing to manifest. The ‘time out’ has opened me up to new levels of experience and given me time to get back to writing to all of you.
We are all on our own journey whether we have an illness or not. Life brings us experiences and we get to choose how we want to respond. Do we open up to it or push it away?
I feel very passionate about being there to serve as a ‘dooropener’ for those who are curious about turning towards their own loving. Louise Hay promotes ‘mirror’ work. Looking in the mirror, into your own eyes and saying affirmations, an important one being, ‘I Love You.’ This can prove to be quite a challenge if our mind is filled with critical negative self-talk. Small steps can make big shifts. Give it a try:) You won’t be disappointed.
What You Can Do!
This Intuitive Voice
Listening to the intuitive voice within is a first step to uncovering your next steps. I listened for a long time, but I realize now I didn’t always take action. It’s not enough to just listen. Often, this is the hardest part because it means a commitment to honouring this voice. The whole path will not be shown, just the next step, so trusting in this becomes an act of commitment and faith. You show yourself, you mean business when you begin to act on these whisperings that come to you! This is easier said than done, I know. It’s still a very active process for me and I imagine will always be. As long as one is alive, then this engagement is available. I take small steps and watch for the miracles that begin to happen. Everyday, I appreciate and give thanks for Life and all that it offers me!
The changing of the seasons, the warm shower in the morning, the afternoon walk in the sunshine, a deep meditation, the delicious food I take in today, whatever I may be doing, I am mindful to slow down enough to show my gratitude for all that comes forth in the day.
Loving Yourself First
Focus on what is going well, the things you can influence, and giving yourself Loving energy. Don’t wait for others to show you love. When you allow your own loving first, you radiate this energy and more will naturally come back to you. Others feel touched by loving energy and thus, you become part of a cyclical flow of this unconditional love for life. Let go of any attachments to how you think it should look and feel. Be present with your own loving, that’s all you have to do,
“Human love is whatever energy we use to help divine love achieve its purpose... Divine love embraces everyone and everything.
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Watch for Little Moments
You may not be able to do everything you once could however, you can still do many things. Focus on what you can do and go for it! Take in the joy from sharing a smile, a hug, an energy exchange with someone in your day. This morning, the doctor who put in my gold markers showed up in my room for my roommate and there was this surprise aha moment; a handshake, a laugh, a quick hello. A feel good addition to my morning! The world brings us all kinds of little treats. Watch for them and take them in. Why, because you feel good when you do this!
A sign I’m feeling better: the Nurse comes in this morning to give me my daily thrombosis shoot in the leg and I let out a groan. Not another one! My thighs are looking like pockmarks from all the previous needles. I tell her, I was up walking outside yesterday and back and forth down the halls so why do I need this? Isn’t it just for people who can’t get out of bed? We make a deal. She says, ‘make sure you go walking today and I won’t give you the needle.’ Small steps, taking charge, feeling stronger.
“Final thoughts:
Even though you may not see the fruits of your visions yet, keep trusting in the manifestation of them, keep watering the seeds you plant, have faith in the Universe to bring to you the next step and then embody that next step with your full commitment. Replace fear with curiosity and be surprised! ”
Inspiring reading to pass the time. A great story about following One’s journey without a map…
Sending love out to all of you. Go and seize the day!!
Today, I was happily surprised to be asked if I’d like to go home by my doctor? I gave him a hug and said, ‘hell yes!’ and then, I promptly packed for my take off from the Hirslanden healing hospital I have called home these past 10 days.
Want to feel even better? Take a few moments to watch this short video of Louise Hay’s tried and true things to do for yourself. It’s tiptop!!